au inbox;

[longitudinal]

WELCOME TO THE SALTBURNT NETWORK

USERNAME:
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@timmyyyyy

[holyposition]

Hey hot stuff. How's the training going?

[longitudinal]

I'm on break, actually. Just finished trials, qualified. I get a little time off to enjoy myself before it's all work and no play. 😔

How's the family?

[ because that's about as loaded as "how's it going" ]

[holyposition]

You did?? And you didn't say anything??? Q, that's amazing!

Judgmental hypocrites. As always. I'd rather talk about you. Do I get to come see you in Beijing?

[longitudinal]

I wanted it to be a surprise. It will be officially announced this weekend.

You can come see me whenever you like, you know. 😘 But also I get some travel expenses covered for me and a partner. They won’t know the difference.

How’s a summer in Beijing sound? Bet there’s all kinds of trouble we can get into. That and I miss you.

[holyposition]

It sounds incredible. Even if I have to see Phelps beats your ass in every race 😋

More time for us to hang out and see the sights. I've never been.

Hey, can I ask you for a favor? It's a fun one, promise.

[longitudinal]

At least you'd be seeing mine and Phelps' ass. It's a win win.

I've never been either - we can discover all Beijing has to offer. And hopefully live to tell the tale.

But shoot - what's the favor, Teo? If it's fun, you know I can't say no.

[holyposition]

You’re not on the relay team, are you? Don’t get distracted.

I’m holding you to it!

Go on a couple really public and obvious dates with me? My dad’s hounding me about seeing older guys, but he always liked you. That’s not weird, is it?

[longitudinal]

No, thank god. I'm terrible at relay. 500m freestyle again.

Ooh, someone's in trouble, huh? Tell me what our first date's gonna be then I'll decide.

[ that's basically a yes, teo. ] Make sure it's fun and not weird. 😉

[holyposition]

Well, I know you’ve got the endurance for it. You’ll win.

Our first date is the arcade. Nice and wholesome. But we’ll slip down to the nightclub after, drink a little too much, and knock over a priceless vase in one of the hallways while we’re making out. Got to keep it believable.

[longitudinal]

I'd wager my endurance is even better now than before.

But you'll win at all the arcade games, you always do. I guess that means I need to kiss you well enough to make you take out the vase. It's a trade off.

Second date should be polite - a picnic by the lake. It isn't my fault if you get wet and we end up having to wrestle in the water, is it?

[holyposition]

You really are going for gold this time. Maybe we'll end up testing it out.

Not always. Not Mortal Kombat.

That would be my fault. I get so clumsy when I'm excited to get on my knees.

[longitudinal]

I'd like to show you how much I've improved if we do test it out.

I'll take the blame for it, how could I let anyone fault you when you look so pretty on your knees like that? Besides, clumsy is cute.

[holyposition]

No, you should stay scandal free until the games. My reputation can't get worse, so I might as well take the heat.

[longitudinal]

Breaking a vase isn't what I'd call a scandal. I have people accusing me of fucking my coach to get my spot on the team.

A vase is a nice change of pace. Just have to make sure you don't get cut by the glass while you're down there.

[holyposition]

Don't they televise the trials? That's bullshit.

...did you fuck him, though?

[longitudinal]

They do, which is why it's absurd. But they think there's favoritism - that it's why I was asked to qualify to begin with.

... he was disappointing. He came too quick. And he was grabby, but not in a sexy way. I didn't have to pay for my drinks though, so that was a plus.

[holyposition]

Favoritism for what? My sport was football, so correct me if I'm wrong, but quickest time wins. Easy.

Rotten luck. Not the worst deal though, if he's not expecting any repeats.

[longitudinal]

The coach acts like he's spending more time with me - more attention. It's just a pissing contest.

And no, he knows there are no repeats. It was boring, Teo.

But tell me - the dating. What's the favor for? Who are we trying to fool, and why?

[holyposition]

Have they tried just swimming faster?

My parents. They're all up in arms about "inappropriate age gaps".

[longitudinal]

That's what I keep telling them. Skill issue.

But wait - age gaps? Who's the lucky old man?

[holyposition]

No one. Well, I'm seeing someone, but it's not serious.

Harry. He's 37 and recently divorced. Papa's on a tear.

[longitudinal]

Ooh you're seeing someone? I haven't seen it in the tabloids yet so it must be juicy.

Also 37 isn't that bad, what's their deal?

[holyposition]

I can trust you with a secret, right? Top secret.

They want to marry me off to someone richer or more famous, I guess.

[longitudinal]

My lips are sealed, sweetheart. Have been this whole time.

And gross that they think the can dictate that. We'll get fake married if that's the prerogative. Really cause a scene.

[holyposition]

The tabloids have seen us together. Everyone has. They just don't know it's him.

They'd come around on it, if you can pull out the win.